Honesty and relationshiptransparency is the only meaningful path to genuine intimacy, not tomention personal integrity and self-esteem. Intimacy, control,and
just being a horn-dog? Sex and relationship experts spill on the top reasons why men cheat. (Besides, you know, being total a-holes.)
Men are somewhat different than women when it comes to cheating, and a lot of that difference arises from the fact that men tend to define infidelity rather loosely. Keep in mind this famous statement: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” More generally, most men would say that utilizing porn as a sexual outlet while in a primary, committed relationship is not cheating. (Most women would disagree; for proof, heterosexual male readers could just ask their wife or girlfriend what she thinks.)
They’re Avoiding Intimacy
“Some men cheat to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wife or girlfriend by cheating on her” says psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD. This way they never have to fully rely on someone else, so they can’t get hurt. Yeah, it makes sense in their minds…
He Has Fallen In Love With Someone Else
For his partner, the saddest reason a man might cheat is that he has fallen in love with someone else. She might be unavailable for a relationship, or perhaps just hasn’t got around to breaking up with you yet.Sometimes issues of the heart take us all by surprise.
In this situation, it’s not you … it’s just life.
He’s a liar.
He never intended to be monogamous, despite his commitment. He doesn’tunderstand that his vow of fidelity is a sacrifice made to and for hisrelationship and the person he professes to love. This man viewsmonogamy as something to be worked around rather than embraced.
He is confused about love. He mistakes limerence—the “rush” of earlyromance—with love. He does not understand that in truly lovingrelationships, the early, visceral attraction is gradually replaced bysweeter feelings of longer-term attachment, honesty, commitment, andemotional intimacy.
They Crave Intimacy
On the flip side, some men are searching for intimacy outside of their relationship. According sex expert Emily Morse, some couples drift apart over time and don’t communicate about their lack of intimacy. When that happens, some men think it’s easier to just cheat instead of talking about it.
Affairs usually startwhen a man feels misunderstood, like the areas of his life that areimportant to him are being criticized or deemed not important. Then hefinds a woman appreciates him, who gives him something he isn’t gettingfrom his primary relationship…and he strays. It’s not that he doesn’tlove his partner, she just can no longer connect to him in the way hewants most and when that sort of pure appreciation comes from anothersource he can’t help but be drawn to it.
Their Libido Needs a Boost
You know how it goes—you can’t get enough of each other at the beginning. But after a while, things feel more comfortable…which isn’t a bad thing. Some men crave that newness again and go elsewhere to find it.
He Wants To End a Relationship
Some men fear leaving a relationship before establishing a new one. It is surprising how many men met or knew their current partner while still in a relationship with a previous partner.
Meeting or knowing a women of course does not mean that he is cheating. However, sometimes rather than leave his partner and “risk it all”, a man will fully establish his relationship with a new woman before leaving his current one. This is when cheating occurs.
They Want Variety
Getthis: Some men will cheat even though they love the woman they’re with.”Men admit to cheating because they crave variety, and new experiences”says Morse, “but have done so while still being very happy in theircurrent relationship.” Yeah…that’s ridiculously lame.
He Is Getting Revenge
Have you cheated on him? As an act of revenge, he might actively seek tocheat on you also. Even if you are innocent, maybe you have been payingtoo much attention to someone else (inadvertently or deliberately). Ifhe is jealous, he might try to pay you back by cheating on you.
This is a relationship in trouble. Acts of revenge can spiral out of control and cause everyone involved a lot of pain.
They Lack Willpower
Morse says that some men are just plain weak. They give into a sexual affair, “simply because the opportunity presented itself and they weren’tstrong enough to say no.” Sounds like a cop-out to us.
The problem is, too many women think that if they are overly appreciative to their husbands, they’ll reduce their husband’s desire to please her. It’s quite the opposite. actually. Men are energized when they feel their wives are appreciating them.